Very Soxy

We may have lost the Super Bowl, but we still have Tom Brady.

2008-02-08T00:33:00.000-05:00

When you think about it, it probably sucks to be a Giants fan right now. Because, let's face it, they may have won the Super Bowl, but they weren't the best team. It must suck to win when you know you're not the best, right? It would make me feel empty inside...a hollow, meaningless victory. And in New England, we're definitely winners, because we have Tom Brady. Who needs a trophy when you have Tommy? Eli, you take the trophy; we'll take Tom.

Tom Brady isn't too upset about the Super Bowl anymore either, because he is Tom Brady. I mean, how cool is that?

Here's Tom's thoughts on the matter...

OK We Lost, But I Still Get to be Tom Brady

By Tom Brady

I'm guessing you saw the Super Bowl. Yes, we lost. I'm not happy about it, as you can see from this picture taken two minutes after the game.

I was really down, then I realized, "Hey - I'm still Tom Brady."

Let's play a little game of "Imagine." Who would you rather be, Eli Manning (gap toothed, googly-eyed, mouth-breather) or me, Tom Brady? He's marching down Broadway today covered in scraps of paper. Right now, I'm covered in supermodel. As I'm typing this, I can see the shadow of my reflection in the monitor, and even the silhouette of me is enough to bring a smile to my eyes, and when I see that smile, how can I be upset? I'm Tom Brady.

So many people are not Tom Brady. There are too many to list them all here, but open a phone book sometime and read every name except "Tom Brady." You'll see for yourself, it's pretty staggering how few people get to experience being me. I can only think of one off the top of my head.

What's so great about being Tom Brady? Here's an example: I'm dating Giselle. I'm in a Stetson ad for Giselle. So not only am I with the world's most beautiful woman, I'm actually making money by being with her. That's just one small example of what I call "The Tom Brady Experience."

So Giants, yes, congratulations. But also me, congratulations.

Quote of the Year, 2007

2008-01-07T23:21:00.000-05:00

After the Sox fell behind Cleveland 2 games to 1 in the ALCS, Big Papi gathered his teammates in the clubhouse to give them a pep talk. Here's what he had to say.

"Listen, we're not just a good team. We're a great team. And don't you fucking forget that. And let's go play one at a time and go prove that. Because let me tell you something.... There's a reason why you wear this Red Sox uniform....

Because you're a bad motherfucker."

Gabe the Babe is back!

2007-12-24T03:04:00.001-05:00

To celebrate Gabe Kapler's glorious return to Major League Baseball, I thought I'd share some classic Gabe photos. Gabe the Babe is BY FAR the most popular player I've ever posted about. So, I'm gonna give you people what you love, which, clearly, is Gabe.

He won't be wearing red socks this time, but I like the Brewers, and I think Gabe has landed on a great team.

But I know what you really want to see is Gabe out of his uniform. So here you go...

Okay, that last one isn't Gabe, it's Trot. He's a free agent! Where's he gonna sign? I know Boston needs another outfielder like it needs another 86 year curse, but I'd love to see Trot come back.

Whatever happened to Matt Mantei?

2007-12-24T02:59:00.000-05:00

Seriously...he retired? Why?

Just because...

2007-12-19T00:55:00.000-05:00

I'm sick of reading about Roger and 'roids.

For the sake of nostalgia...

I just thought the world could use a little more Rod Beck.

Brendan Donnelly and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

2007-12-14T00:30:00.001-05:00

Brendan Donnelly didn't have the best day. First, he was nontendered by the Red Sox. Since they didn't want to give him a contract, he effectively became a free agent. Nobody wants to be a free agent who's coming off Tommy John surgery, especially Donnelly, since he figures he'll only be able to pitch for the last couple months of the 2008 season. Who's gonna sign him? To make matters so much worse, the Mitchell report was published this afternoon, implicating players in the use of steroids. Guess whose name was on it? Yup, Brendan Donnelly.

But all of a sudden, his feud with Jose Guillen makes more sense. They were probably competing for limited resources...

Good thing Brendan had his loyal teammates to calm him down...

Oh Brendan. Where's the rally monkey when you need him?

Okie Dokie didn't really have a fun season.

2007-12-12T00:32:00.000-05:00

Hideki Okajima recently gave an interview in Japan about his first season with the Sox. He basically talked about how much the season sucked, how tired he was, how flying made him dizzy and gave him headaches, and how he survived on rice balls. Yum.

The interview was conducted by Terumi Yoshida and was translated by the Globe's Daigo Fujiwara. Here it is...

Yoshida: First of all, congratulations for winning the Series.

Okajima: Thank you very much.

Y: Looking back on the season, both the team and you individually, had a very successful season. What was it like from your perspective?

O: Well, going to America, a whole different country, I had no idea what to expect and I was very worried about the new environment and new language.I didn't even have an interpreter at the beginning of the season. In the first three month, I must admit that I was anxious and uncomfortable in my new surroundings.

Y: But you must have had some confidence that you can succeed in baseball?

O: No, I didn't. I was very anxious, and was not confident. The turning point was when I got my own interpreter one month after the season started. Being able to communicate with people through the interpreter made my being there more comfortable and then I was able to focus on playing baseball.

Y: What, in your opinion, is the reason for your success this year?

O: My best pitch in Japan was a curve ball. But with a more slippery American baseball, my curve wasn't curving as much as it did in Japan. So I had to figure out a different ball. Then after I figured the pitch [the change-up] out, I kept the use of the pitch to a minimum in the spring and the first part of the season, because I
didn't want my opponent to know about the ball. I'd only use it at the crucial moment. The pitch is what they named the "Okie Dokie"

Y: You have a very unique pitching form. You are not looking at the catcher while you pitch, where are you looking?

O: Yeah, when I release the ball, I am looking at the ground [laughs]. But before the pitch, I set my target. I envision the travel path of the ball and try to make my release point very consistent. At the release, I am not looking in front of me, but from the beginning of the delivery and right after the release of the ball, I am looking at the catcher, or my target. Especially with the power of the Major League hitters, you have to watch out for the ball that is hit. I don't want to get hit by a batted ball with Major League power.

Y: Have you had any coaches tell you to look at the catcher in the delivery in the past.

O: Yes. They told me to look ahead [laughs].

Y: What do you say to that?

O: I just told them I can't throw well if I change my pitching form [laughs].

Y: Your first Major League appearance was against the Kansas City Royals on April 2, and your first hitter, John Buck, hits a home run off of you in the first pitch. What did you think of that?

O: I said to myself, "Oh, no." I thought I pitched a pretty good fastball outside, and I didn't think he will hit it that long. He carried it to the right center stand very easily. Considering that he was hitting eighth in the order and I was "an unknown pitcher" from a foreign country, that was a big blow. In Japan, hitters don't hit an outside pitch for power. In that at bat, I saw Major League hitter's power. It made a huge impact. I also learned to avoid fastball outside over the plate. In some ways it was a good thing that he hit a home run that day.

Y: Then you went 19 games without allowing runs. What was your thought then?

O: So, I had that home run in my mind. If I was to pitch outside, I would aim for one more baseball outside than I normally do, and inside the same [one baseball inside], and I avoided throwing in the middle.

Y: Did you think about what you were doing [the streak] while it was happening?

O: No I didn't. It was all after the fact. I was taking it day by day. And without that home run I wouldn't have strategized my pitches as much as I did, and I bet I wouldn't have had that stretch of 19 games.

Y: So, thank you John Buck?

O: Yeah, thank you John Buck [laughs].

Y: What was the most memorable game this season? I know you must have many, but just one that you can think of now.

O: The one that I was probably most excited about was the game I saved against the Yankees [on April 20]. It was at Fenway Park, it was against the arch enemy, Yankees, and it was my first ever save in the Major League. Everyone was very excited about it, and all of the teammates came to congratulate me. It was like winning the pennant. I was very happy.

Y: So you went out and celebrated that night after? A wild party? With your wife?

O: No, no, no... [laughs] we didn't do anything. I didn't have the time or mental luxury to celebrate. There was no time to relax, or to celebrate. No time to let it loose during the season.

Y: Wait, you mean the whole season?

O: Yeah, the whole season. I didn't let it loose the whole time. Well, after we clinched the division, maybe a little bit. But not much at all.

Y: What is the biggest difference between Japanese Baseball and Major League baseball that you felt during the season?

O: In Japan, there are more teams that play "small baseball." Well, obviously there are exceptions, but for example, you rarely see a hitter put on a bunt.

Y: Do you think it suits your playing style?

O: Well, I think it helped me that I played last year [2006] with the Nippon Ham Fighters. In the Pacific League, there are more players who don't play small ball. [Note: Pacific League in Japan employs DH. He played most of his career with Yomiuri Giants, which is a Central League team.] That definitely helped me with the transition.

Y: There is a longer travel between the cities, for example, Boston and Los Angeles is like 4,500 km apart. That is a unheard amount of travel in Japan. Was it really bad?

O: That is a long flight. It takes like 4 or 5 hours. On top of that, there is a time difference. I get a headache when I am on the plane, maybe with the air pressure difference, and I usually am dizzy by the time I get off it.

Y: How did you get over it?

O: Get over it? I really didn't. I kept playing as is. I pitched through the headaches and the dizziness. There was nothing I could do. I really hated the time differences.

Y: During the game, I see on the TV that players in the bullpen sometimes munching on some snacks. I heard somewhere that, as a rookie, you were in charge of the snacks. Was there any truth to that?

O: Yes, it is true. It's a rookie's job. Everyone likes snacks, sweets and gums.

Y: Was it a tough job?

O: Not really, except that there was no time to get those snacks. In Japan there is some time set aside for eating dinner or doing something between the practice and the game. There were only about 30 minute or so in America.

Y: So what do they do? Eat fast?

O: Some don't eat at all. They just snack on something. Most have already eaten before the practice.

Y: So you had to do that, too? Eat before practice?

O: Yes, and I sometimes brought onigiri [Note: Japanese style rice ball] from home, or from a restaurant if it is an away game.

Y: Onigiri! That is the reason for your success. The onigiri power! [laughs]

O: Yes. Onigiri power. [laughs]

Y: During the season, you had only three whole-days off?

O: Yes. There is a game most days. Either that or we are traveling. It's not like Japan where you can expect one day off a week. It is a tiring experience.

Y: You must have been more tired than you were in Japan.

O: Yes. There is no time to recover. I was more tired than anytime in my Japanese career. I was trying to mentally over come it, but it really got to me after the All Star game.

Y: What was the thing that helped you during that time? Sleep?

O: Sleep? Sure, but there were times during the season, I was praying that I wouldn't be called up. Pitching every day was really tough on me. I was hoping for a rest day.

Y: Masumi Kuwata [of Pittsburgh Pirates] was one of your mentors in Yomiuri Giants, and you still train with him every year. What was your feeling when you saw him pitch in the Major League for the first time?

O: I was watching on the TV at an away stadium. I was really glad for him. I noticed that number 18 was warming up in the pen, and soon after, he was summoned. I was glad to have witnessed it on the TV.

Y: As for the next season, what is your goal?

O: Of course as a team, the ultimate goal is to repeat. To do that, you need to get to the playoffs, so that would be first goal. Going to the playoffs.

Y: What about your individual accomplishment? Are you aiming to have better stats than this year?

O: No, that is not my goal. I need to keep myself healthy and keep doing what I am capable of. If I try beyond my capability, then I will get injured. If I stay healthy and stick with what I know, I can pitch in more than 50 games and contribute to the team. I am not sure if it is reasonable to aim beyond the year where I was selected as an All Star and won World Championship. With one year under my belt, now I am little bit more familiar with what to expect next year. So, I just need to keep up and contribute to the team.

He forgot to mention the hazing. At least he didn't have to be the teletubby!

Please please please let this be true!

2007-12-06T21:41:00.000-05:00

Rotoworld is reporting that the Sox are going after Erik Bedard! Have my prayers finally been answered?! Bedard has been stuck in Baltimore, pitching for a crappy team, and never gets proper credit for his stellar pitching, simply because no one cares about the Orioles. Seriously...the guys on Sports Center skip right over him when talking about the day's highlights, even when Bedard has pitched a 1 hitter, or gotten 15 strikeouts, or done something similarly spectacular. Bedard is of the same caliber as Josh Beckett, and we'd be so lucky to have him as our number 2 starter.

I mean, just look at how fierce he is! And he's number 45...how I'd love to have a Sox ace wear that number again!

Jon Lester beats cancer, Colorado, and wins the Conigliaro award

2007-11-29T00:43:00.000-05:00

Jon Lester just won the Tony Conigliaro award, which is given to one player each year who has overcome adversity. As you all know, Lester was diagnosed with large-cell lymphoma last year during his rookie season. He beat cancer and battled his way back up to the majors this season. Lester took the mound for Game 4 of the World Series and pitched the Red Sox to victory.

Tony Conigliaro was an outfielder for the Red Sox. At the age of 22, he was selected for the 1967 All-Star Team. In that season, he also became the youngest American League player to reach a career total of 100 home runs. His season took a turn for the worse on August 18th, when he was hit by a pitch on the left cheekbone. With a broken cheek and considerable damage to his eye, Tony's career looked like it might be over.

But on opening day of the 1969 season, Tony took the field at Fenway and managed a true comeback. Despite his poor vision, which resulted from his injury, he hit 20 homeruns that season, and earned the Comeback Player of the Year award.

Lowell loves that dirty water.

2007-11-19T23:58:00.000-05:00

Mikey Lowell reportedly turned down a 4 year, $50 million offer from Philly so he could sign with Boston for 3 years, at $37.5 million. He must really love us!

I'm so glad he's staying! Curt's glad, too.

He fits right in here, doesn't he?

I took that picture from the blog of a woman who loves to take photographs at Sox games. Her pictures are gorgeous. She has tons from the celebration when the Sox clinched the AL East. I'd be committing a crime against Red Sox Nation if I didn't post a link to the rest of her photos, so go check them out. She has the best shots I've seen from that celebration.

What is taking so long?

2007-11-18T17:32:00.000-05:00

The Sox and Mikey Lowell have been negotiating for like 2 weeks now. Why is it taking so long? This is my idea of what must be happening behind closed doors.

Mikey: I want 4 years.
Theo: We'll give you 3.
Mikey: But I want 4.
Theo: But we're offering you 3.
Mikey: But, don't you like me?
Theo: Yes, very much.
Mikey: Then give me 4 years!
Theo: We'd prefer to give you 3.
Mikey: You're not being nice.
Theo: Yes we are.
Mikey: No, you're not.
Theo: Yes we are.
Mikey: Nuh uh.
Theo: Yah huh.
Mikey: Meanie.
Theo: Do you wanna play on our team or not?
Mikey: Yeah.
Theo: Then stop calling me names.
Mikey: Then give me 4 years.
Theo: No.
Mikey: Yes.
Theo: Nope.
Mikey: Come on!
Theo: We'll give you 3.
Mikey: But I want 4.
Theo: We'll give you 3.
Mikey: You stink.
Theo: I know.
Mikey: What's one more year to you?
Theo: Well, what's it to you?
Mikey: I want to play for 4 years!
Theo: Well, what's it like to want?
Mikey: Come on. Just do it.
Theo: No
Mikey: You don't want me to sign with the Skankees, do you?
Theo: Why not? Look at how well that worked out for Johnny!
Mikey: That was a low blow.
Theo: I know.
Mikey: But seriously, I want 4 years.
Theo: We'll give you 3.
Mikey: You mean 4.
Theo: No, just 3.
Mikey: Pretty please?
Theo: No.
Mikey: Pretty please with sugar on top?
Theo: We'll give you 3, Mike. That's it.
Mikey: You're not being very nice.
Theo: It's not my job to be nice.
Mikey: But, I'm the World Series MVP!
Theo: Congratulations.
Mikey: That stands for Most Valuable Player!
Theo: Yes, I know what it stands for.
Mikey: Don't I deserve 4 years?
Theo: In 3 years, maybe we'll offer you another year.
Mikey: But why not save yourself the trouble and do it now.
Theo: We can't, Mike.
Mikey: Why not?
Theo: Because you're getting old, Mike.
Mikey: Ouch.
Theo: Sorry.
Mikey: You didn't need to point that out.
Theo: But, it's true.
Mikey: You really hurt my feelings, Theo.
Theo: I'm sorry, Mike.
Mikey: Sorry just won't cut it.
Theo: That's a shame.
Mikey: You could make it up to me by giving me 4 years.
Theo: We'll give you 3. Maybe we can throw in a few bottles of Just for Men haircolor.
Mikey: Really?
Theo: If it would help.
Mikey: That's tempting...
Theo: I thought it might be.
Mikey: How about 4 years plus the Just for Men.
Theo: We'll give you 3.
Mikey: Okay, 4 years and no Just for Men.
Theo: 3 years, Mike. That's it.
Mikey: I want 4 years.
Theo: We'll give you 3.
Mikey: 4.
Theo: 3.
Mikey: 4.
Theo: No.
Mikey: Dammit!

Papelbon, Manny, and Papi making the late night rounds

2007-11-05T22:11:00.000-05:00

In case you missed it...

The Papel-bomb on Letterman

Manny on Leno

Big Papi on Conan

Drunken Red Sox photos

2007-10-31T22:10:00.000-04:00

There are some photos going around the internet of some Sox players celebrating in a bar after clinching the division. Click here to see Coco being a ladies man, Pedroia tending bar, Dice-K looking bored, Tek, Beckett, and Lowell hiding in a corner, and Papelbon being Papelbon.

Mannyfest Dustiny!

2007-10-25T22:07:00.000-04:00

Q: How do you stop a run-away freight train?

A: Send it through Fenway Park when Josh Beckett is on the mound!

The Sox are going to win the World Series...it's our Dustiny!

Beckett set the tone tonight by striking out the first 3 batters he faced, and then Dustin hit a lead-off homer. It really just went downhill for the Rox from that point.

Poor Franklin Morales got Rocked...

His ERA is 94.5, to be exact.

Every Sox starter (with the exception of Jacoby) got a hit tonight. Julio Lugo had the best game of his life, with 3 hits and a walk.

I have to admit, I've been pretty afraid of Colorado. But not anymore! : )

Grand Slam Hunting

2007-10-20T22:06:00.000-04:00

Trot’s team: 1, Skankees: 0

2007-10-05T22:03:00.000-04:00

I love the post-season, because there's always a baseball game on!

Here are the highlights from today's match-up between Cleveland and the Yanks.

Johnny hit a homer...

But that's okay, because I still love him. Even in pin-stripes.

A-Rod didn't hit anything.

Ha ha!

The Yanks were missing much more than the pitches today...

Cleveland won, 12 to 3.

Here's A-Rod after the game. Oh look, he has something in his eye!

But, more importantly, WHERE'S TROT?!?!??!!?

Bring on the Angels!

2007-10-04T22:00:00.000-04:00

The Angels are in town for the ALDS!

Here's Big Papi before Game 1...

Mike Scioscia has clearly been to Big Papi's house before and isn't too fond of Papi's welcoming gestures...

Youk got Game 1 off to a great start with a solo shot...

Then Papi hit a two-run blast. Lugo was very happy about it...

Papi and Youk then formed a plan of action for tomorrow's game...

With Beckett on the mound, the Angels weren't having much luck getting hits. They were pretty bummed about getting shut out, 4 to nothing....

Beckett, on the other hand, was psyched enough to do his best Ralph Macchio impression...

Open letter to Eric Gagne

2007-09-19T21:59:00.000-04:00

Dear Eric,

The time has come for you to stop sucking. Seriously. What can I do to help? Do you need a rally monkey? I'll buy you a rally monkey. Do you need me to wear my lucky shirt? I'll do it. Do you need some extra incentive to pitch well? Whatever Steinbrenner's paying you, I'll double it. Just STOP SUCKING!

Kisses,
Meg

Love for Lugo Campaign

2007-06-28T21:57:00.000-04:00

Julio Lugo isn't having the best season, is he? His batting average is .190! Right here and now I'm starting a grass-roots campaign to get Lugo's average back above the Mendoza line. The campaign is very simple. All you have to do is show Lugo a little bit of love. Next time you go to Fenway, cheer very loudly for Lugo. Pretend he's Orlando Cabrera, if that helps. Hell, pretend he's Nomah. Do what you have to do, just
DON'T BOO HIM!

The only way you can help him is by CHEERING for him.

Booing at slumping players only makes things worse.
Case in point: Bellhorn. 'Nuff said.

So, the next time you're at Fenway, show Lugo some love.

In memory of Rod Beck

2007-06-24T21:55:00.000-04:00

Rod Beck was a relief pitcher for the Red Sox from 1999-2001.

He passed away this weekend. He was only 38.

Schilling is practically perfect.

2007-06-12T21:53:00.000-04:00

Many amazing things happened for the Sox during the last few days.

JD Drew showed us that he does know how to use his bat, but he usually chooses not to.

Dice-K showed us that he doesn't even know how to hold a bat, let alone swing it, and that he is very good at striking out.

And Tito showed us what he looks like when he's mad.

Really mad...

I swear, I saw him throw the eff bomb around a few times.

But most importantly, Schill proved that he is still the ace.

He would have pitched a perfect game, but Julio Lugo made an error, letting a guy get on base. It would be the only baserunner until the 9th inning, when the 28th batter got a hit, ending Schill's no-hit bid. Of course, if Lugo hadn't made the error and everything else had happened exactly the way it did, Schill wouldn't have faced that 28th batter, because he already would have gotten the final out of the game...a perfect game!

Of course, the fact still remains that Schill pitched a complete game, giving up only one hit and no walks. That's pretty damn impressive. I guess he's still got it!

Lugo, on the other hand, was in the dog house for his error.

The team made him stand in a corner for the rest of the game...

How embarrassing...

Although some people were betting against him,
Schill proved to everyone that he's still awesome.

Isn't Mike Lowell so cute?

I'm sorry, D-Lowe.

2007-06-05T21:51:00.000-04:00

Last night Derek Lowe pitched 6 innings of no hit ball. And then I jinxed him. Oops. I made the mistake of saying to my sister, "Did you know that D-Lowe has a no hitter going?" And she said, "You aren't supposed to say that out loud! Now he's gonna blow it!" And I said, "No, don't worry. He'll be fine," because I'm not superstitious (well, except for when it concerns my lucky post-season shirt).

Of course, D-Lowe gave up a hit to the next batter he faced!
It's obviously all my fault.
So, Derek, I'm sorry about your no-go no-no.

Look how pissed he was when that guy got a hit.

No, Derek, it wasn't your jilted ex-wife. It was me. Sorry.

There is some good news.
After leaving Boston, the Yanks resumed their losing streak last night.

Joe Torre was not happy.

But, he's working on a solution...

Johnny Damon's devising his own plan to save the season...

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!

Old and washed-up.

2007-05-23T21:47:00.000-04:00

Is it time for Curt Schilling to retire?

He really got knocked around tonight.

Or, maybe he's still got the stuff, but his mind is elsewhere tonight...

Poor Johnny Damon.

2007-05-22T21:46:00.000-04:00

I feel really bad for Johnny.

His team sucks and people in Boston are mean to him.

At least the Sox still love him...

The Sox probably let the Yanks win tonight,
because no one likes to see Johnny depressed.

The rest of the boys were pretty psyched about their big victory, too...

The Sox are awesome.

2007-05-08T21:39:00.000-04:00

The Red Sox are the best team in all of baseball. All the other teams fear playing them. Here's proof. Just check out this Twin after losing to the Sox last week...

You know who also hates losing to the Sox? The Yanks. And they've done a lot of that so far this season, huh? They've lost 5 of 6 games. I almost feel bad for them. But, not really.

Last weekend I went to Yankee Stadium for the first time in my life. Sox won, of course. I had a great time. The day got off to a good start when I got to mock some Yankees fans on the train. They totally started it! My sister and I were the only Sox fans in the train car, and one of the countless fans turned to us and said, "How does it feel to be in a train dominated by Yankees fans?" To which I responded, "Well, I just think it's nice that the Yankees get to dominate something." No, I didn't even get shot or beat up for saying that!

Then we got to Yankee Stadium, and on the way to our seats, we got to see Dice-K throw his side session! He's awesome. Here's a picture I took.

I had like the worst seat in the house. But, it didn't matter, because all the seats in Yankee Stadium are surprisingly good. This was the view from my seat.

The game was awesome. A few of Fenway's newest heroes showed their stuff and were stars of the game. Let's take a look at some of the guys making the Sox awesome right now.

Alex Cora is awesome. He needs to get more playing time.

Hideki Okajima is awesome.

Wicked awesome.

Julian Tavarez is starting to look awesome. He started the game and got his first win of the season.

Big Papi is awesome. Here he is, hitting a home run.

I somehow managed to take a picture just as he hit this home run. Of course, I was sitting so far away that the picture looks like ass.

Yeah, you can't even see the ball. Here's a zoomed-in version.

If only I'd had a) an awesome camera, or b) better seats!

You know who else is awesome? Coco! He hit a triple off of Chien Ming Wang.

And he keeps making such awesome grabs...

I was sitting in a section that was almost entirely Red Sox fans. But, I could still hear the Yanks fans cheering. They have some lame chants. Whenever Jorge Posada comes up to bat, someone yells "Hip hip..."
and everyone else yells "Jor-ge!" (you know, instead of "hooray"). Well, in my section, the cheer sounded a little different...

He he he.

The one hitter.

2007-04-14T01:28:00.000-04:00

April 11th was Dice-K's big Fenway debut.

(It was also Tek's and Trot's birthday...happy b-day, boys!)

Unfortunately, Felix Hernandez stole Dice-K's thunder.

It started out innocently enough, with Dice-K and Ichiro exchanging pleasantries...

Dice-K got a little wild...

But he didn't hit anyone in the head.

Ichiro got a little crazy...

But he didn't hit Tek too hard.

Then those Mariners began getting hits off Dice-K.
It sucked.

Then this happened!

What the hell? That is an angle from which I have never seen Tek's butt.

While the Mariners were hitting Dice-K, the Sox were not hitting Felix Hernandez AT ALL!
Here are Felix and his catcher, Kenji, working on their game plan...

Dice-K was very sad that someone else was the star on what was supposed to be his big day...

Things got nasty when Youk got walked.
Adrian Beltre tried to kill him!

That punk Beltre used to be on my fantasy team, but I had to release him.
Nobody messes with my Youki and gets away with it! Nobody.

Then JD Drew went and spoiled everything (as he is wont to do)
and got the only hit Felix would throw that day.

But, Felix was still pretty happy when he got the last out.
He celebrated by shouting the same thing we all shout when we're happy...

Because they do, right?

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

2007-04-12T21:50:00.000-04:00

This season is off to an interesting start.
Let's take a look at the good, the bad, and all the rest.

The good news...

Schill can still pitch like an ace.

Apparently, his first terrible start was just a fluke.

And guess what!
Josh Beckett is shaping up to be the awesome pitcher we all knew he had the potential to be! Hooray!

The bad news...

People are starting to realize that JD Drew is not Trot Nixon. Even though he stands were Trot used to stand and wears Trot's old number, nobody is fooled. Trot would have never let hits get by him into the RF corner the way JD has so far.

But, at least JD has been hitting consistently.
Don't worry JD, I ain't mad atcha. You're just NOT TROT.

Papi has already started his slug-fest.
But here's where things start to get ugly...

Just what is Alex Cora doing to Papi?

The Papel-bomb is not impressed...

And Dice-K is suddenly realizing what the hell he's signed up for.

Poor kid.

Dice-K readies himself for Thursday.

2007-04-03T17:11:00.000-04:00

The Sox just had their first game yesterday and now they already have a day off???
WTF? It's not like they wore themselves out yesterday!

Anyway, it looks like there was more to Kansas City's win yesterday than what was captured by the NESN cameras.

Behold...

I knew there was something fishy about that game!
Who the hell sent for Batman?

GIL MECHE! Of course!

Whatever, I can sympathize...
I'd be too scared to face Big Papi without the aid of a superhero, too!

I've been having an intense inner debate with myself since yesterday's game.
Maybe you guys can help me decide.

Mark Grudzielanek:

Hot or not?

Dice-K has been having some pretty serious thoughts, too.
He's all psyched up for Thursday.
He knows there's a battle ahead, and he's ready.
He knows this is his chance to prove himself.
Failure is not an option.
He's getting himself mentally prepared for his very first...

Thirsty Thursday!

He's planning out which drinks to drink, in which order.

Dice-K, memorize this:
Liquor before beer, you're in the clear!

Opening day wins are for suckers.

2007-04-03T17:07:00.000-04:00

So, the Red Sox didn't win their opening day game yesterday. They were beaten by the lowly Kansas City Royals. All I have to say is, "THANK GOD." Because the Red Sox never win their opening day game. Last year was the only time they've won it in this century. And we don't want a repeat of last year, do we? So, it's a good thing that they lost. I don't want them to go changing anything. If they won today, it would have been akin to Manny showing up at spring training a week early, or Papi trying to bunt all the time. Plus, how many highlights are those Kansas City boys going to have in a season? Just a couple. And winning today was one of them. So, good for them! It was nice of the Red Sox to let KC have one measly day of glory.

Poor Schill. It just wasn't working for him today.
God must hate him or something.

But, let's focus on the good news of the day!
Trot Nixon had a great game!
He went 3 for 4, with a double, a walk, and scored 3 runs!

Of course, he hit those for Cleveland, not Boston.
Just for the sake of comparison, let's see how his replacement did today.
JD Drew (aka Nancy Drew) went 1 for 2 with a walk. Hmm. Not nearly as exciting. He's clearly not Trot.

Hanley Ramirez also had an amazing game. He went 4 for 6, with 2 doubles, 1 rbi, 4 runs, and 2 stolen bases. Too bad he's playing for Florida, not Boston. What did our new SS do today? Well, Lugo was 1 for 4. But I'm sure he's worth every penny of that 12 million per year.

Yippee!

The Sox are looking good!

2007-04-03T17:02:00.000-04:00

It's finally baseball season, and the Sox are ready to do battle again.

Papelbon is happy to be closing again...

Beckett is ready to show us the size of his balls...

Tek is ready to lead the team and look damn hot while doing so...

Yum.

Schill is ready to take out Beckett, karate kid style.
(Sweep a leg! No mercy!)

Look-ee here. What the heck is Manny doing?
He's not being Manny, that's for sure....

He was planning to rob a bank after this game. 20 mill is just not enough.

Johnny looks like he's ready to kick some ass...

Oops, not that Johnny! Wrong picture. I meant this Johnny.

He's gonna be our pitch-hitting lefty.

Dice-K is learning one more pitch, just in case the gyroball thing doesn't fly...

Uh oh...he looks worried...

He must be looking at this nonsense...

Hey Dice-K! What are the Yanks gonna do this season?

That's right. They're gonna choke.

This is the year!

2007-04-03T16:59:00.000-04:00

I have a very good feeling about this season.
I know I say it every year, but I really think this is the year. For real.

I'm especially excited about Dice-K Matsuzaka!!!!

He's utterly adorable. He's smiling in almost every picture I've seen of him. Somebody should make a Dice-K teddy bear. He's that cute.

Dice-K reminds me of my favorite Hero, Hiro Nakamura. I wish someone would make Hiro into a teddy bear, too. Are you people watching Heroes? You should. It's that good.

Anyway, the resemblance between Dice-K and Hiro doesn't stop at the fact that they're both Japanese cutie pies with very round faces. They have similar mannerisms, too! Which leads me to conclude that Dice-K must be a hero, just like Hiro.

Here's a comparison.

Dice-K:

Hiro:

Dice-K:

Hiro:

Alright, I don't expect Dice-K to bend the space-time continuum.
But, I do expect him to break some bats. And maybe some records.

Here he is, proving his value to the Sox.
While it may look like he's making friends with Hideki Matsui in this picture...

...he's really just gaining his trust, so that he can do this:

Beating up on the Yankees is very funny.

Somebody needs to introduce Dice-K to Kevin Millar. Just for kicks.

Hottest Baseball Players: #1!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-03-17T19:15:00.000-04:00

Alright, it's the moment we've all been waiting for. I'm about to reveal the hottest baseball player of all! I should have chosen an Irish boy, since it's St. Patty's Day, but I chose a real Italian Stallion. In my opinion, he is the hottest man in baseball. Yes, even hotter than Joe Mauer, which is practically impossible.

Are you ready?

Drum roll please!

The hottest baseball player in the whole wide world is........

Todd Walker!!!

Todd's bounced around a lot. He began his career on as a Twin in 1996.
He stayed in Minnesota for four years, but his hot Italian ass probably hated all the snow.
Then he got sent to Colorado, and he probably hated the mountains, too.
Then he went to the Reds (hotness like that should NEVER be stuck in Ohio!).

Then, his luck changed. He got sent to the hottest city on the planet: Boston!!!!

He joined the Sox for their ill-fated 2003 season. Surviving a season like that was enough to earn Todd a permanent spot in the infield of my heart.

He plays 2nd base, but I'd wave him home any day of the week.

And that's why he made it all the way to number...

Eh, he's pretty enough that he doesn't need to have good counting skills.

Maybe a good poke will knock some sense into him?

Hey, Todd...

You're number 1!

Yeah, he's happy now.

Todd cleans up real nice.

See?

Yum...

Hotness.

Another thing Todd has going for him is that he's good friends with Nomar.
And what's good enough for Nomar is good enough for me.

So it's nice that they both ended up on the Cubbies together after leaving the Sox.

Todd knows exactly what to do in every situation on the field.

When a Yankee is down, kick him!

I kid, but Karim Garcia deserved a good kick in the head.
He's the guy who started the fight with the Sox grounds keeper...remember that? The bastard.

Todd can jump really high...

This is pretty amazing...

Especially when viewed from the side.
Note how nice his butt looks in the air...

Another nice view...

Todd probably didn't like being a Cub. Here he is, looking all sad...

Probably thinking of the good ole days in Boston.

Speaking of the good ole days...

Could he get any hotter?

You can tell he's got a lot on his mind...

He probably just needs a good Bostonian woman to take care of him.

He's really got the sexy brooding look down.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

He completes this look by riding off into the sunset (or, into traffic on Storrow Drive) on a bike...

I like this picture. It not only features glorious Todd, but you can see Grady Little and the hotness that is Jason Varitek in the background.

Todd's only season with the Sox ended in heartbreak, when the Yankees won game 7 of the ALCS in extra innings. Of course, the Yankees went on to lose the World Series, because they're little bitches.

Todd did his part to keep the Sox alive during the ALCS. Here he is, hitting a homer.

The day the Yanks won game 7 was the saddest day of the season.
Here's the 2nd saddest day...

...the day Todd Walker cleaned out his Red Sox locker, never to return.

But, never say never! I heard a rumor that the Sox might trade Wily Mo to the Padres for Todd Walker!!!!
If this happens, I will be the happiest girl in Boston.

Maybe we'll get to see more pics like this one. (It's my favorite.)

The end.

Hottest Baseball Players: #2

2007-03-16T23:23:00.000-04:00

Woah, we're getting close to number 1.
And number 2 is so hot that I can barely even handle it.
Seriously, I'm throwing the heat today.

The 2nd hottest baseball player is.......

Joe Mauer

You all probably thought he was gonna be number 1, right?
I must admit, it was a close call. Practically a coin toss.

I'm not gonna say much about Joe Mauer, because words don't do him any justice. The pics speak for themselves.

Have you ever seen baseball cards look this hot?

He's, like, the hottest thing ever (well, the 2nd hottest thing).

Oh, and he's really good at baseball!

He needs to stretch really well...

...so he can do this...

(Tripping a Yankee = HOT)

and this...

(Tripping Frank Thomas = ouch! There's a reason they call him The Big Hurt!)

Did I mention that he's a really good hitter?

He's the 2006 batting champ.

He walks tall and carries a...

I'm really writing too much. Let's just gaze at him...

Celebrating...

Here he is, just hanging.

Hottest Baseball Players: #3

2007-03-16T22:54:00.000-04:00

The 3rd hottest baseball player is.........

Jason Varitek

Captain of the Boston Red Sox

Jason is the soul of the Sox. That's why I love him so much.
But there may be some baseball goggles involved in the matter.
I'm really not sure.

Let's look at his many displays of hotness.

Here he's very young. And hot...

This is from 2001, I believe. Again, very hot.

This is his "come hither" stare.

Actually, it might be his "Come here, Grady Little, so I can beat yo' ass" stare.

Jason takes himself very seriously, but sometimes he likes to get down.
Here he is, teaching Jose Reyes how to breakdance.

Being an awesome catcher, no one ever takes him out.
I love it when he trips guys while covering the bag.
But this picture shows him doing something even better: taking out Jorge Posada!
Ha, take that, Po-sucka!

And here are some images from my very favorite love spat between Tek and A-Rod.

Tek's not afraid to mess up A-Rod's pretty purple lipstick.

The glove is love. : )

Tek was very happy after winning the World Series.
He's usually very quiet, but his thoughts came pouring out after that.

Observe...

Here he is at the Victory Parade...

After celebrating, he got a much deserved pedicure...

And a makeover...

Yum.

Then Tek was named team captain. Yay!

Here he is, getting his captain's uniform...

Tek may have thought that being captain gave him superpowers...

Or, maybe he's auditioning for Heroes.
Sorry, Tek. They already have flying men.

Here's a picture I took of Tek. Yup, I was this close to him!
I almost reached out and grabbed his buns...

(yup, I was.)

K-Mill knows how it is...

Varitek is Dice-K's favorite MLB player! He loves Tek so much that he carries his gear around for him. I kid you not! Read the caption...

Here he is, getting ready for his second career.

I love this picture. I think it's perfect to end on.
The captain, leading the troops into another season of battle.

Grrrrrr.

Hottest Baseball Players: #4

2007-03-16T22:49:00.000-04:00

The fourth hottest baseball player is..........

Carlos Pena

Carlos is a local boy, hailing from Haverhill, Mass. But, he sure gets around in the MLB. He started in Texas, then went to Oakland...

Then he went to Detroit, where as recently as 2005 he was lauded as "the only sure thing in Detroit." Which is really saying something, given the way that the Tigers played last year.

But, the Tigers are an exceptionally ugly team, so maybe whoever called him the "only sure thing" was alluding to the HD-TV potential of the Tigers roster. Carlos Pena is a gift to HD-TV. He looks like he's modelling all the time.
Here he is, posing with a bat....

Very sexy in black and white...

Here he makes the Tigers uniform look like it should be shown on a runway...

Looking good...

I-Rod thinks Carlos is soooo hot...

Last season, a great thing happened. Carlos became a Red Sock!!!! Which was probably his lifelong dream, since he grew up here. And it was my newly-discovered life-long dream to watch him play in his red sox, once I saw his gorgeous face. Good job finding this one, Theo!

Carlos wore his red sox for a mere 18 games.

Why oh why does life have to be this way?!

But, one of those 18 games had a very happy ending for Carlos, the Red Sox, and everyone in Fenway. It was Labor Day, and Fenway was packed, as always. Nine innings had been played and there was still no winner. In the bottom of the 10th, the score was tied 2-2, when Carlos stepped to the plate and hit the first walk-off homer of his career. And it happened in Fenway Park, the ballpark he'd always dreamed of playing in.

He was mobbed at the plate, of course.

And then he gave an interview, which I was lucky enough to see. I don't think I've ever seen a happier, cuter player than Carlos, as he appeared in this post-game interview. Of course, this lone pic does him no justice.

(I fully retract yesterday's lambasting of post-game interviews in general. They obviously have a purpose: hotness such as Carlos needs a vehicle, and many many closeups.)

The internet is a sad place, because it is lacking in pictures of Carlos Pena.
When I googled his image, this guy came up...

Who dat?

And Boston is a sad place, because Carlos is now a Devil Ray. And he's not even on the roster. I hope he makes it on, because then I'll get to possibly see him for as many as 19 games this season. Finally, a reason to be happy that the Sox play the D-Rays so damn much.

Ugh, I can't end on the fugliness of the fake Carlos.
Here's the real Carlos, with some lucky random girl.

Hottest Baseball Players: Honorable Mentions

2007-03-16T22:13:00.000-04:00

There's a ton of hotness in the MLB.
Just ask Lee Mazzilli...sometimes he just can't help himself...

I found it impossible to narrow it down to just 10 playahs without feeling like I leaving some major cuteness stranded on base.

So, I'm gonna need to toss around a few honorable mentions.

The first honorable mention goes to............

Jose Reyes

Add this guy to your fantasy team, because he can do it all.

He can throw...

He can catch...

He can hit...

He can groom himself like a cat...

And he enjoys a good beer shower.

The second honorable mention goes to.......

Trot Nixon

"Huh?" you might be saying to yourself. "Trot's not hot!" And I tend to agree with that sentiment. However, Trot had the balls to have this picture of himself put on a baseball card, and for that, he deserves an award.

Behold Trot in all his glory...

If that's not hot, I don't know what is.

The third honorable mention goes to.....

Nomarrrr Garciiiiaaaaapaaaaarrrrrrrrraaaaaaa

(Don't you miss the sound of the Fenway announcer saying his name? Me, too.)

Nomar is only hot when being viewed from the front. Things fall apart from the side. So, it's a good thing that Sports Illustrated settled on a front view for this 2001 cover.

The fourth honorable mention goes to....

Kevin Youkilis, as I see him through my baseball goggles

Ooooooooookay. I know that Kevin Youkilis looks like this...

Not a pretty sight.

But, when I watch baseball, my vision and judgment often get clouded by what I can only refer to as my "baseball goggles". These are analogous to beer goggles, but do not require beer. When I see an ugly player do something hot, my judgment gets clouded, and suddenly the player becomes hot.

This happens more often than not when I watch Youk. Because he is, in fact, a damn good player. He gets on base, plays LF when Manny is being Manny (even though he's a 1st/3rd baseman), and hangs in there even when 2/3rd of the team are on the DL. He even gets clutch hits. So, even though Youk looks like the picture above, I see him through my baseball goggles as looking more like this...

It's true. I can only see Youk for who he really is during the off-season. Once baseball season begins, all bets are off, and I will become Youki's bitch.

The fifth honorable mention goes to....

Theo Epstein

Okay, Theo doesn't actually play baseball, BUT, as General Manager of the Red Sox,
he still manages to be one of the most important players in the game.
Therefore, I think he's eligible for an honorable mention.

And the final honorable mention goes to........

Tom Brady

"What?!" you're probably thinking to yourself.
"Tom Brady is a football player and baby daddy, not a baseball player!"
But, did you know that Tom was drafted in 1995 to play baseball for the Montreal Expos? Therefore, I consider him enough of a baseball player to be eligible for an honorable mention. And boy, he deserves it, because he's so hot.

Is there anything cuter than Tom Brady with puppies?

Hottest Baseball Players: #5

2007-03-15T00:28:00.000-04:00

The 5th hottest baseball player is.........

Johnny Effin' Damon

I must say this. I still love Johnny Damon. Even though he's an effin' Yankee. I will admit that I cheered for him last year when he hit a homerun against the Tigers in the postseason (even though I was rooting for the Tigers). I will never cheer for him when the Red Sox are still contenders. Ever. After that, he's fair game.

We all know that Johnny is hot. Or he was, anyway. Back in the good ole days. So, I'm gonna take you back to a time when the grass wasn't greener on the other side of the Monster. (Yeah, I know that doesn't make sense, but just go with it.)

Johnny was the hottest center fielder the Sox have ever seen.

He got the job done consistently, and looked damn good doing it. And as pretty as he is, he never put his health or his looks before his team. He crashed into walls left and right, crashed into other guys' skulls, got stitches and brain damage, and rarely missed a game. I don't know if anyone will ever fill his shoes. Shame on the Red Sox interim GMs (i.e., the people who took over while Theo was away) for letting him sign elsewhere.

As if Coco Crisp could ever fill Johnny's shoes...as a leadoff batter or a fielder! Nice move, front office. You couldn't pay Johnny 12 million a year, but you can pay J. D. Drew 15 million per year?

Okay, I need to chill out.
Obviously.

Johnny and Snoop know how to chill, yo...

A'ight.

Here's a nice picture of Johnny. I stole it from his myspace.
He's not wearing a shirt!

I also stole this one of a very young Johnny...

Here's Johnny, looking oh-so good.

If there's one thing I miss (besides Johnny's lead-off batting and super-hero-esque fielding), it's his baffling post-game interviews. I don't even understand why people do post-game interviews. Like, what can they really say that's worth the air time?

Here's what Johnny likes to say after a game, "We just tried to go out there and play a good game. And lucky for us, we won this time. And we just tried to go out there and hit the ball, and lucky for us, we did. And now we're just gonna get ready for tomorrow, and hopefully go out and do the same thing." Bless his heart, he just tells it like it is. What the hell is the point of post-game interviews? Seriously!

Okay, I'm gonna give you a couple more pictures and leave it at that.

Now that Johnny's a Yankee, I think he looks hot when he does this...

And this...

Ha ha!

Okay, that was cruel. And just.

Wanna know how I'd like Johnny Damon to be remembered for all eternity?
With the only World Series trophy he'll ever hold...

Hottest Baseball Players: #6

2007-03-15T00:23:00.000-04:00

The 6th hottest baseball player is......

Chris Carpenter

Why did Chris Carpenter make the list? Let's contemplate that...

He appears to be hiding something there. What is it, Chris?
Come on, show us...

Oh, no! It's a soul patch!

But, he is from New Hampshire (and lives there in the off-season), so I guess I can overlook the soul patch. He doesn't know any better.

Chris had some bad luck back in 2004. His team made it to the World Series, but he had a torn something-or-other, and had to watch from the bench as the Red Sox swept his team.

It made him very sad...

It's okay, Chris. If you'd been able to play, you may have made it a 5 game series, but there was no stopping those Red Sox.

Things began to look up in 2005. He was in top form, and was able to win 21 games, pitch 7 complete games, and finish the season with a 2.83 ERA. He was given the Cy Young. Here he is, looking quite formidable.

In 2006, he goofed off a bit...

...and only won 15 games. He only pitched 5 complete games, and his ERA sky-rocketed to 3.09. He finished a measly 3rd for Cy Young.

In the post-season, he put on some hot shorts and stepped it up...

He led the Cards back to the World Series and helped them win it this time.

Hugs all around.

He even brought his son into the locker room to celebrate...

His daughter, on the other hand, obviously hates baseball...

Let's look at Chris some more, doing what he does best...

The wind-up...

The follow-through...

Look where his leg ends up! That boy is flexible!

One last view...

I cannot believe those people are concentrating on their burgers
when their team's ace is standing right in front of them!
Pujols should go over and give them a good ole fashioned bitch-slap.

Hottest Baseball Players: #7

2007-03-14T23:36:00.000-04:00

The 7th hottest baseball player is....

David Wright

David Wright looks like one of those pompous,
jerky jocks who we all loved to hate in high school.

Here are all the reasons why we should ~~hate him~~ ~~envy him~~ worship him.

He's hot.

He's almost always smiling, so he obviously has an enchanted existence.

He's a man's man. He likes to clown around with the other cool guys, like Delgado.

He can get away with shit like this.
The guy whose cap he's fondling is Fred Wilpon, the OWNER of the Mets.

He made the All-Star team...

...and got to hang with Big Papi.

He loves to show off his nice butt, even when just hanging with the guys.

His John Hancock is worth mad cash. And he wears Abercrombie.

The ladies love it when he plays bartender. And you totally know he's making everyone drink Jager shots, fully knowing how much everyone hates Jagermeister.

He smokes Cubans to celebrate winning the division. And you totally know that he doesn't smoke, but wants to exude the air of machismo.

He's clever. He named his blog "Wright Now".
But only after deciding against "Shut up, beyotch, I'm Wright".

And he gives back. He started The David Wright Foundation, which raises funds for MS research & treatment, the Make-A-Wish Foundation, and other charitable foundations. This makes it impossible to hate him. No matter how much you want to.

Finally, David Wright completes the Official Mets Triumvirate of Hotness, which also includes Reyes and Beltran.

Here they are, being hot in their All Star uniforms...

Here they are, filming a commercial or something, and looking damn hot.

They are clearly the cool kids.
Look at them ignoring Jason Bay.
He hates them because they gave him a wedgie earlier that day.

Hottest Baseball Players: #8

2007-03-14T23:16:00.000-04:00

I love it whenever the Oakland A's come to town, because a couple of their pitchers are so hot and are worthy of making the List of Hotness. But, I can't really give both of these pitchers their own entries on this list, because I think of them as being a package deal. So, for number 8, you get two for the price of one. Double-teamed, if you will.

The 8th hottest baseball players are..................

Dan Haren and Rich Harden!

So, Dan Haren is hot in that shaggy, hasn't-shaved-or-brushed-his-hair-in-a week sort of way. It's a really hard look to pull off. But, he's workin' it.

He's very tall (6'5'') and has a very big mouth.

See?

Ooooh, here it is again...

I wonder what he's so happy about.

Why do I like watching him pitch so much?

Take a look...

If anyone has seen a better ass, you'd better tell me about it. Seriously.

He's very happy to be half of the 8th hottest player duo...

Definitely an honor worth celebrating.

Maybe he'll boast about it in his blog, Haren's Heat.
(With a name like that, he must know he's hot.)

But, honestly, Dan Haren doesn't photograph very well. These pics don't do him justice. So, it's time to move on to someone who the camera loves....

Rich Harden.

Holy cuteness, Batman!

This is his tough-guy pose...

I'm a sucker for a dimple...

Holy crap, look at those muscles!

Yeah, you're tough, Rich Harden....

But can you handle this?!

Nope! Remember when the Red Sox were down 0-2 to Oakland in the 2003 ALDS? Game 3 was all tied up in the 11th inning, with the Sox on the brink of elimination. Trot Nixon stepped up to bat and hit a 2 run walk-off homer, and they went on to take the series. Who did Trot hit that homer off of? Rich Harden...which makes me like him even more.

Hottest Baseball Players: #9

2007-03-14T23:00:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the delay, folks. Technical difficulties delayed the posting of the List of Hotness. But now it's time to throw the heat.

So, without further ado...

The 9th hottest baseball player is...

Carlos Beltran

Why do I love Carlos Beltran?

Well, how could I not?

He hit 41 homeruns last season.

He won the Golden Glove...

He can jump wicked high.

He has the most adorable dimples.

But he's hot even when the dimples aren't showing.

Pedro loves him.

He can pull off the jersey-over-the-suit look. That's tough!

I'd trade Manny Ramirez for Carlos in a heart beat. How's that sound, Carlos?

He'd look awesome in a Sox uniform. In fact, if he were wearing a Sox uniform, he'd be much higher on this list. Somewhere around...

Number 1!!!

Too bad, Carlos. You're stuck at number 9.

Hottest baseball players: #10

2007-02-26T20:18:00.000-05:00

It's been a long winter and I've missed baseball! Now that spring training has officially begun (i.e. Manny Ramirez has arrived in Ft. Meyers) and the players are getting warmed up for the long season, I'm gonna get myself warmed up as well. As the best way to do that is to think about the hot hot hot players I'll get to look at soon. So without further ado, I'll begin counting down the 10 HOTTEST BASEBALL PLAYERS! Since I don't have much time to blog, I'll only be able to do one player per day. So the list will be long and drawn out, just like baseball season.

Drum roll please!

The 10th hottest baseball player is.......

Gabe Kapler's chest!

So, I know that Gabe has a reputation as being a major babe. But, I don't really like his face. I don't know why. I just don't. His chest, on the other hand, is HOT!

Holy hotness!

But, this picture could be hotter. There must be something I can do about this...

Much better.

Did you know that Gabe the Babe is a gay icon? Me neither, til I did a google image search and came up with a few photos from body building magazines, featured on a bunch of gay blogs. I've read that he was unaware of his following, but seriously, he didn't really think that he was posing for female fans in his leopard-print thong, did he?

This needs to be censored, I think. I don't wanna see so much of Gabe's junk!

Much better. A-Rod totally belongs in this photo, don't you think?

Here's another hot photo, which I've censored for the good of the nation.

There you have it...the hotness that is Gabe Kapler's chest. And this is only number 10 on the list of hotness! Can you imagine what's to come?

***Disclaimer***
This list will generally be of active players only. Yes, I know that Gabe the Babe just retired. But he's still active in my mind. And it's my game, so I get to make the rules and bend them as I please.

Party like it's 2004!

2006-10-27T18:43:00.000-04:00

Let's all take a moment to remember the greatest night in Red Sox history. Tonight is the two year anniversary of the Boston Red Sox winning the 2004 World Series after sweeping the St. Louis Cardinals. Oddly enough, the Cardinals may win the World Series themselves tonight, as they lead the series against Detroit 3 games to 1 and will play Game 5 in an hour or so. Maybe October 27th of 2006 will be a better night for the Cardinals than October 27th of 2004.

Let's go back to that fateful night and relive the miracle. The Sox beat the Cardinals under the light of a full moon and an eclipse!

The Sox silently prayed as the Cards were down to their final out.

Papi, like Manny, sometimes forgets how many outs there are. But that's okay, because his celebration was only a moment too soon...

As Doug began to imagine the bidding war over the ball, the Red Sox became World Champions for the first time in 86 years!

Tek, like the rest of us, probably thought he'd never live to see the day!

That's what true happiness looks like, folks. Take a good look.

Youk proves that white men CAN jump. For joy, at least!

Tek still can't believe it.

Neither can I, really.

"Pedro, Schill, Papi...you've just won the World Series! What's running through your mind right now?"

My thoughts exactly.

Let's hope we get to see an image similar to this one next season...

Trot firmly occupies the right field of my heart. I'm not accepting any replacements. Not even Gabe the Babe.

Johnny Damon, planner extraordinaire.

I know that Manny won MVP, but I think the award should have gone to someone else.

D-Lowe may go down as the most consistently inconsistent pitcher in Red Sox history, but he was the ace of the post-season. Sure, maybe he didn't have his ankle stitched together or sport a blood-soaked sock, but the sinkerballer was unsinkable and kept the team afloat.

Happy anniversary, Red Sox Nation. Now go out and party like it's 2004.

Proof that Youk can do more than walk.

2006-06-06T03:31:00.000-04:00

Kevin Youkilis may be the Greek God of Walks, but he began vying for a new nickname during the June 2nd game against Detroit. The Sox were down 2-1 in the top of the ninth with the tying run on base. After watching Big Papi strike out, the future looked bleak for the Sox, who were down to their final out. Then Kevin Youkilis stepped up to the plate. He'd had an uninspiring day at the plate so far, with two strike-outs against him, but with one swing of the bat, he turned the whole game around and gave the Sox the lead!

Here he is, looking a little sheepish.

Yes, he really did compare himself to the legendary Mark Bellhorn.

The only thing better than a real walk-off victory is when we get to drop the Papel-bomb for the last three outs. Young Papelbon recently revealed his secret for staying so focused on the mound. He hums his favorite song, over and over and over.

I can think of no better way to end this post than with a true Bellhorn moment.

2 legit. 2 legit 2 quit.

Which rookies would get my cookies? Part II

2006-04-05T23:42:00.000-04:00

And now for another installment of everyone's favorite game, "Which rookies would get my cookies?"!!!! Yay!

As you may recall from the last episode, Wakefield was the only pitcher who would have gotten my cookies as a rookie. And Arroyo wouldn't have, because his rookie card featured a freaky cartoon version of Bronson. But, in honor of Bronson's first homerun on his new team, tonights installment will be dedicated to homerun hitters. Of which the Sox have 3 so far.

Drum roll please...

HELL NO! Everyone knows I don't "date" Yankees fans!

Next!

Big Papi!!!

Do you think he likes it when girls call him Papi? Actually, I can definitely picture myself eating some big old Tollhouse cookies with Papi. Eating cookies. Not giving them.

And the grand finale...

TROT!

He also used this image as his soap-opera head shot. In case the baseball thing didn't pan out.
I definitely wouldn't have given him any cookies when he was a rookie, because my sister would have had first dibbs on him. She loves Trot. He's not my type, anyway.

Sorry to disappoint. No 2006 homerun hitters would have gotten my cookies as rookies. But, maybe Loretta will hit one soon. So, there is hope.

Which rookies would get my cookies?

2006-03-17T17:32:00.000-05:00

I recently stumbled across some scans of Sox rookie cards. The pics are so hysterical that I have to share them. But, who wants to just post a bunch of pictures? Not me, dammit! So, I've come up with a fun little game. It's time to play the first round of "Which Rookies Would Get My Cookies?"

I'll start with the Starters.

Check out the 'stache on our ace!

Who does he think he is, Hitler?
Sorry, Curt. No cookies for you.

But look at Wake!

I hope that boy has a sweet tooth....

Uh oh, here comes trouble...

Dear lord, no.

Would I perhaps cement the deal with Clement?

Ummm...those ears might be hard to overlook.

And check out my boy-o Arroyo!

That's not even a picture! Sorry, cartoons don't get my cookies.

And to close things out...

No way. Not if he's gonna make a face like that!

Guess Tim's the only rookie who'd win in this round.

Stay tuned for the next installment of Which Rookie Would Get My Cookies?

The good old days

2006-01-27T02:44:00.000-05:00

While searching for the A-Rod "What did I do?" photo from the 2004 ALCS Game 6 (when he bitch-slapped the ball out of Arroyo's glove), I came across this gem. God, I'm gonna miss Billy Mueller.

(Source)

Boston.com has a great gallery of photos from this game. Check it out! I'd forgotten about the swat team stationed in foul territory.

(Source)

Lucchino clears the air. But what's that funky smell?

2006-01-27T01:53:00.000-05:00

What's the Mota with Lucchino? Theo walked and then all hello broke loose. While he was gone, the organization was in such haste to grab Josh Beckett that they didn't give him a physical! They didn't give one to Guillermo Mota, either, which is why he failed the physical given to him by the Indians. WTF, LARRY?!?! This is why our motto is, "In THEO we trust."

(A-Rod image, Larry image)

What's the Mota?

2006-01-24T22:49:00.000-05:00

Uh oh...just when it looked like we'd be getting a centerfielder named after a chocolately cereal, we got thrown a curve ball. Guillermo Mota failed his physical, and the deal is off. How did he fail his physical? More importantly, how did he pass his recent physical before being traded to the Sox from the Marlins if he was unable to pass the physical for the Indians trade? What's the Mota with him?

Doh. And I was so looking forward to having a big bowl full of Coco Krispies in honor of our new centerfielder.

But, at least we can all celebrate having a new GM! Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.

(Image source)

Snap, Crackle, Pop!

2006-01-23T11:52:00.000-05:00

(Original image sources: Krispies, Snap, Crackle, Pop)

Welcome back, Theo!

2006-01-20T18:03:00.000-05:00

Last night the Red Sox announced that our beloved former General Manager, Theo Epstein, will be returning to the organization. Expect his new job to give him even more power than his former job. Can he save the season? I doubt it. But, maybe he'll save the 2007 season.

Here he is, getting some advice from his AA scout.

(Original image source)