Hottest Baseball Players: #5

The 5th hottest baseball player is.........


Johnny Effin' Damon



I must say this. I still love Johnny Damon. Even though he's an effin' Yankee. I will admit that I cheered for him last year when he hit a homerun against the Tigers in the postseason (even though I was rooting for the Tigers). I will never cheer for him when the Red Sox are still contenders. Ever. After that, he's fair game.

We all know that Johnny is hot. Or he was, anyway. Back in the good ole days. So, I'm gonna take you back to a time when the grass wasn't greener on the other side of the Monster. (Yeah, I know that doesn't make sense, but just go with it.)

Johnny was the hottest center fielder the Sox have ever seen.


He got the job done consistently, and looked damn good doing it. And as pretty as he is, he never put his health or his looks before his team. He crashed into walls left and right, crashed into other guys' skulls, got stitches and brain damage, and rarely missed a game. I don't know if anyone will ever fill his shoes. Shame on the Red Sox interim GMs (i.e., the people who took over while Theo was away) for letting him sign elsewhere.


As if Coco Crisp could ever fill Johnny's shoes...as a leadoff batter or a fielder! Nice move, front office. You couldn't pay Johnny 12 million a year, but you can pay J. D. Drew 15 million per year?

Okay, I need to chill out.
Obviously.

Johnny and Snoop know how to chill, yo...


A'ight.

Here's a nice picture of Johnny. I stole it from his myspace.
He's not wearing a shirt!


I also stole this one of a very young Johnny...


Here's Johnny, looking oh-so good.


If there's one thing I miss (besides Johnny's lead-off batting and super-hero-esque fielding), it's his baffling post-game interviews. I don't even understand why people do post-game interviews. Like, what can they really say that's worth the air time?


Here's what Johnny likes to say after a game, "We just tried to go out there and play a good game. And lucky for us, we won this time. And we just tried to go out there and hit the ball, and lucky for us, we did. And now we're just gonna get ready for tomorrow, and hopefully go out and do the same thing." Bless his heart, he just tells it like it is. What the hell is the point of post-game interviews? Seriously!

Okay, I'm gonna give you a couple more pictures and leave it at that.

Now that Johnny's a Yankee, I think he looks hot when he does this...


And this...


Ha ha!

Okay, that was cruel. And just.

Wanna know how I'd like Johnny Damon to be remembered for all eternity?
With the only World Series trophy he'll ever hold...