Hottest Baseball Players: #1!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright, it's the moment we've all been waiting for. I'm about to reveal the hottest baseball player of all! I should have chosen an Irish boy, since it's St. Patty's Day, but I chose a real Italian Stallion. In my opinion, he is the hottest man in baseball. Yes, even hotter than Joe Mauer, which is practically impossible.


Are you ready?


Drum roll please!



The hottest baseball player in the whole wide world is........



Todd Walker!!!




Todd's bounced around a lot. He began his career on as a Twin in 1996.
He stayed in Minnesota for four years, but his hot Italian ass probably hated all the snow.
Then he got sent to Colorado, and he probably hated the mountains, too.
Then he went to the Reds (hotness like that should NEVER be stuck in Ohio!).

Then, his luck changed. He got sent to the hottest city on the planet: Boston!!!!



He joined the Sox for their ill-fated 2003 season. Surviving a season like that was enough to earn Todd a permanent spot in the infield of my heart.

He plays 2nd base, but I'd wave him home any day of the week.

And that's why he made it all the way to number...



Eh, he's pretty enough that he doesn't need to have good counting skills.

Maybe a good poke will knock some sense into him?

Hey, Todd...




You're number 1!



Yeah, he's happy now.



Todd cleans up real nice.

See?




Yum...




Hotness.

Another thing Todd has going for him is that he's good friends with Nomar.
And what's good enough for Nomar is good enough for me.




So it's nice that they both ended up on the Cubbies together after leaving the Sox.


Todd knows exactly what to do in every situation on the field.

When a Yankee is down, kick him!



I kid, but Karim Garcia deserved a good kick in the head.
He's the guy who started the fight with the Sox grounds keeper...remember that? The bastard.


Todd can jump really high...




This is pretty amazing...




Especially when viewed from the side.
Note how nice his butt looks in the air...




Another nice view...





Todd probably didn't like being a Cub. Here he is, looking all sad...



Probably thinking of the good ole days in Boston.


Speaking of the good ole days...









Could he get any hotter?


You can tell he's got a lot on his mind...



He probably just needs a good Bostonian woman to take care of him.


He's really got the sexy brooding look down.

Exhibit A




Exhibit B




Exhibit C




Exhibit D




He completes this look by riding off into the sunset (or, into traffic on Storrow Drive) on a bike...




I like this picture. It not only features glorious Todd, but you can see Grady Little and the hotness that is Jason Varitek in the background.




Todd's only season with the Sox ended in heartbreak, when the Yankees won game 7 of the ALCS in extra innings. Of course, the Yankees went on to lose the World Series, because they're little bitches.

Todd did his part to keep the Sox alive during the ALCS. Here he is, hitting a homer.




The day the Yanks won game 7 was the saddest day of the season.
Here's the 2nd saddest day...



...the day Todd Walker cleaned out his Red Sox locker, never to return.


But, never say never! I heard a rumor that the Sox might trade Wily Mo to the Padres for Todd Walker!!!!
If this happens, I will be the happiest girl in Boston.

Maybe we'll get to see more pics like this one. (It's my favorite.)




The end.

Hottest Baseball Players: Honorable Mentions

There's a ton of hotness in the MLB.
Just ask Lee Mazzilli...sometimes he just can't help himself...




I found it impossible to narrow it down to just 10 playahs without feeling like I leaving some major cuteness stranded on base.

So, I'm gonna need to toss around a few honorable mentions.


The first honorable mention goes to............


Jose Reyes



Add this guy to your fantasy team, because he can do it all.

He can throw...



He can catch...



He can hit...



He can groom himself like a cat...



And he enjoys a good beer shower.






The second honorable mention goes to.......


Trot Nixon


"Huh?" you might be saying to yourself. "Trot's not hot!" And I tend to agree with that sentiment. However, Trot had the balls to have this picture of himself put on a baseball card, and for that, he deserves an award.

Behold Trot in all his glory...



If that's not hot, I don't know what is.




The third honorable mention goes to.....


Nomarrrr Garciiiiaaaaapaaaaarrrrrrrrraaaaaaa

(Don't you miss the sound of the Fenway announcer saying his name? Me, too.)

Nomar is only hot when being viewed from the front. Things fall apart from the side. So, it's a good thing that Sports Illustrated settled on a front view for this 2001 cover.







The fourth honorable mention goes to....



Kevin Youkilis, as I see him through my baseball goggles


Ooooooooookay. I know that Kevin Youkilis looks like this...



Not a pretty sight.

But, when I watch baseball, my vision and judgment often get clouded by what I can only refer to as my "baseball goggles". These are analogous to beer goggles, but do not require beer. When I see an ugly player do something hot, my judgment gets clouded, and suddenly the player becomes hot.

This happens more often than not when I watch Youk. Because he is, in fact, a damn good player. He gets on base, plays LF when Manny is being Manny (even though he's a 1st/3rd baseman), and hangs in there even when 2/3rd of the team are on the DL. He even gets clutch hits. So, even though Youk looks like the picture above, I see him through my baseball goggles as looking more like this...



It's true. I can only see Youk for who he really is during the off-season. Once baseball season begins, all bets are off, and I will become Youki's bitch.




The fifth honorable mention goes to....


Theo Epstein



Okay, Theo doesn't actually play baseball, BUT, as General Manager of the Red Sox,
he still manages to be one of the most important players in the game.
Therefore, I think he's eligible for an honorable mention.






And the final honorable mention goes to........


Tom Brady



"What?!" you're probably thinking to yourself.
"Tom Brady is a football player and baby daddy, not a baseball player!"
But, did you know that Tom was drafted in 1995 to play baseball for the Montreal Expos? Therefore, I consider him enough of a baseball player to be eligible for an honorable mention. And boy, he deserves it, because he's so hot.









Is there anything cuter than Tom Brady with puppies?